You are my sweetest downfall
by dreamcatcher289
Summary: Loving Edward Mason had always been easy for Bella, but when she finally gets the life she'd always wanted with him, is it really what she wanted? all human
1. Chapter 1

Never Enough

_**Momento Mori**_

Glancing at the clock one last time I sighed. It was now too late to make the reservation and he hadn't arrived, again. I got up slowly, making my way to the bathroom to begin destroying what I had spent all afternoon creating, for him.

After removing the last morsel of make up from my face I made my way to our bedroom to await his arrival.

In the early hours of the morning I heard the front door open and the sound of jingling keys. I turned around, facing away from the door, faining sleep.

The bedroom door opened and I heard the sound of shuffling feet as he walked towards the bed. He whispered my name, hoping to gauge whether or not I was asleep. I did not answer him, but rather concentrated on keeping my breathing slow and steady. I heard him sigh, then turn around and walk into the bathroom. The door closed and I heard the shower turn on.

Once sure that he wouldn't be re-entering the room anytime soon I turned onto my back sighing, allowing my guilt to flood me. I felt appalled at myself for ignoring him. I understood that he had as much control over his time as I did. I had understood that this was the life that I was signing up for when I married him. I still wanted to send the message that I wasn't willing to be a part-time companion for him.

The room was flooded in a sea of light as he re-entered. I watched as he shuffled across the carpet, collapsing onto the bed. I felt his arm wrap around my waist, drawing me closer to him. Saying that he loved me, he drifted into unconsciousness.

I lay awake for what seemed like hours after he'd fallen asleep. I turned around in his arms so that I was facing him. I have always loved to watch him sleep, to watch as the tension of the day as it drifted from his face, making him look his age. Tracing the dark bruises under his eyes I frowned, concerned at how little sleep he got whilst on call for three days. I felt him begin to stir under my touch and quickly withdrew my hand. I realized it was too late though when I saw his eyes flicker open.

'Hey' I whispered, replacing my hand back onto his cheek. I felt him smile under my touch.

'Go back to sleep' I urged him.

'Sorry I missed our date' he whispered before drifting back into unconsciousness.

Sighing, I turned away from him. Happy Anniversary I thought bitterly to myself before drifting to sleep also.

The next morning I was awoken by him whispering my name into my ear. After noticing that I was stirring he smiled, 'Morning Love' he whispered before lightly kissing my cheek.

I got out of bed and was heading towards the bathroom when I felt him grab my wrist, holding me back.

'Don't you want to hear my excuse?'

I sighed, 'I don't need to' and continued making my way to the bathroom.

'There was an emergency' he called out after me.

'Of course there was' I retorted 'that's why they call it the emergency room'. I heard him chuckle as I turned on the shower.

When I re-entered the room I noticed that he was still in bed.

'When do you start today?' I questioned, before going and sitting beside him.

'Three' he groaned.

'Can't you get the day off? They kept you in late last night!' I complained.

'Sorry love' he said, running his fingers through his hair.

'Why not?' I said, exasperated now.

'If I don't work then I can't afford to buy you everything that you want or desire' he explained.

I sighed, 'don't you get it? I don't want it if it's a trade for you.'

He sat up, pulling me towards him, 'I know love, it's just until I finish my residentry, then I'll have more time.

'I know' I sighed, leaning into him.

We stayed like that until he had to leave. Basking in whatever time we had together. As three o'clock neared, l became anxious, 'What time do you get off again?'

'It's a twelve hour shift, so at about three o'clock tomorrow morning'

I sighed, leaning further into him, wishing he had more time off.

After he left, I pulled my easel out and placed a fresh canvas on top. Pulling my charcoal out of its tin, I began to sketch. As time progressed, an image of he and I began to take shape. We were sitting on the hill side, watching the fire works, wrapped in each others arms. After I finished, I recognized the scene for what it should have been, last night. After completing my sketch I went into the kitchen to make a few sandwiches. Then I grabbed my sketch and headed to the hospital.

The emergency room was a flurry of activity and noise.

'Can I help you miss?' the frazzled receptionist called to me over the noise. After making my way around the numerous bodies I reached the reception desk.

'I'm here to see my husband' I explained.

'Name?' she inquired, already looking through the admittance database, in search for my unknown husband.

'Doctor Mason' I said 'Edward'

The receptionist paused in her movements and looked up at me with surprise, 'Oh'. Then she was back to work, looking through the examination timetables of the doctors, pausing on Edwards's sheet.

'Okay' she finally said, glancing back up at me, 'well, he's with a patient at the moment'.

'I can wait,' I replied, making my way towards the less than adequate hospital seating.

Glancing up at the television screen, I estimated that I had been waiting for about thirty minutes. Based, of course, on the fact that Neighbours had finished and the dreaded Big Brother was nearing its end. Sighing I looked away, trying to avoid the gaze of the disease ridden, hoping to avoid conversation.

As I was contemplating whether or not to risk reading one of the possibly infected magazines to curb my boredom, he burst into the room. The look of concern as he rushed towards me was palpable. I felt his eyes scan my features, assessing me. When he reached me, he fell to his knees in front of me, scanning my face for any hint of illness.

'What's wrong? What happened?' he exclaimed urgently, roaming his hands up and down my arms, still checking.

Smiling slightly, I moved his hands from where they were assessing me and placed them in my hands.

'I'm ok' I said, smiling at his obvious concern. 'Really' I insisted, in response to the look of disbelief that flashed across his face.

'I just wanted to see you' I murmured, no longer looking him in the eyes, gazing instead at our entwined hands.

I heard him sigh as he pulled me out of my chair, leading me to a less crowded section of the waiting room.

'Doctor Mason' we heard someone call out, in sync with his beeper that chose that moment to begin buzzing. Sighing, he looked down at his beeper, then back up at me. I had seen that look before.

'I bought you something to eat, in case you were hungry,' I said quickly, reaching for the sandwiches, to use as a bargaining tool for his time.

He smiled at me and took a bite 'thanks'.

'Doctor Mason!' we heard a more urgent voice call.

He sighed and began to move towards the voice.

'Wait!' I cried out, catching his wrist and holding him back with me. 'I have something for you,' I declared, pulling out my sketch.

He turned his body slightly towards me, and glanced over his shoulder back at me and his picture. 'Its beautiful love, but I really have to go' he said, pulling away from me.

'But you haven't even finished your sandwich yet' I argued.

At the moment, his beeper began to buzz, again.

'I know' he sighed, 'but I don't have the time, I have to get back to work.'

'You don't have time for me you mean' I called out after him, stopping him dead in his tracks. He turned back towards me; guilt encasing me when as caught sight of the raw pain now etched onto his face.

He made a move towards me as the voice rung out through the waiting room again, 'Doctor Mason!' He glanced towards the voice, then back at me, torn.

'There you are' I heard the voice of the receptionist claim, and I watched as she led him from me. His decision had been made for him.

Leaving the hospital, I threw his half eaten sandwich into the bin.

Arriving back at home, I walked straight to my easel, placing my earlier picture on top. Getting out my coloured charcoal I began to fix the sketch that I had spent all afternoon creating. Adding variations of colour to the sketch, gave me time to think, to reassess. When I finished my recreated picture, I left it on the easel, refusing to even glance at it.

Whilst cleaning my art supplies, I glanced quickly up at my newest creation, and was startled to see that whilst adding colour to it, I had used only variations of the colour brown.

Looking back through a worn out art book, I came across the colour spectrum, which I had used for all of my creations. After a quick glance, I looked back up at my picture and began to laugh. The irony that brown was left out of the colour spectrum had not escaped me.

On closer inspection, I noticed that I had added the Latin phrase 'Dum loquimur, fugerit invida aetas' into the bottom right hand corner.

'Carpe diem' I whispered, finishing the poem, as I began making my way towards our spare bedroom.

The sheets felt stale and cold, having sat there for well over a year. The room smelt musty and old. I made a mental note to open the windows in the morning as I drifted into unconsciousness.

I was woken early the next morning as he carried me back to our bedroom. Sighing, I leaned into the warmth of his body, wrapping my arms around his neck.

'Sh, go back to sleep' he whispered as he placed me onto our bed, helping me under the covers.

'I really do love your picture love' he whispered to me, 'but what did you do to it? There's so much brown in it now, I liked it better before'.

'No' I disagreed, in my half conscious state, 'there's not enough'

'And the Latin?'

Half asleep, I replied without thinking, 'even as we speak, envious time is running away from us'

'Alright then love' I heard him sigh, wrapping his arms around me and drawing me closer to him.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a Wednesday the first time she saw him. Bella had spent the last few days cleaning the house and drawing, and she needed time to reconnect with the real world. She was looking at the new releases when she noticed him across the store. He was tall, dark, handsome and he had what could only be described as a teenager hanging off him.

He glanced up and her, and when he noticed her stare and smirked and winked, making her blush in embarrassment of being caught gawking at him.

Immersing herself in the new releases she didn't notice that he was walking towards her until it was too late to avoid him.

'See something you like?' the man smirked

Bella grinned, 'why yes I did' she said, grabbing any random book off the shelf and making her way to the counter.

'Wait' he called after her, grabbing at her arm.

'Let go of me' Bella sneered, ribbing her hand out of his grasp. The nerve of some people, she thought as she made her way to the counter. Back in her day guys did not grab at strangers to get their attention. Her Edward hadn't resorted to man handling her to get her attention. They'd met while at university, he was in her art class. He'd said he was taking it for fun, to lessen the stress of all the medical units he was doing. She only found out later that he'd enrolled into the unit in the hopes of meeting her. They struck up a comfortable friendship while they studied together, but he hadn't officially asked her out until after the unit was finished. Edward had then courted her for the next 2 years, and the day after she graduated from university, he asked her to be his wife.

'Okay, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot' she heard a voice behind her say.

'That's all you've got lady, two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes'

'Lady? Hey... what wrong with my shoes? I like my shoes!'

'Look, I've got to go' Bella said, grabbing her purchases and making her way out the door.

'Wait; at least tell me your name'

'It's whatever you want it to be baby' she smirked, making her way out the door.

I can't believe I just did that, she thought, grinning as she made her way back home.

****************

_The first time Edward saw Bella, she was in the plaza playing a game of giant chess with one of her friends. His attention was initially drawn to her because he hadn't ever seen anyone play a game of giant chess before. Once he'd gotten a good look at her though, he knew that he had to know her. She had her dark brown hair pulled back into a pony tail, and was wearing a sky blue dress and navy blue thongs. _

'_Who's that?' Edward asked, nudging his mate Jasper._

'_Who? Bella?' _

'_You know her?' Edward questioned, 'how?'_

'_She was in one of my art classes last semester' Jasper explained. _

'_Hey Bella!' Jasper called out to her._

'_Hey Jasper!' the girl called back, then began heading towards them, with her friend in tow._

'_This is my mate Edward, Edward this is Bella' _

'_Hi' Edward said sheepishly, trying to hide his nervousness from being this close to her by looking at his feet. He overheard Jasper and Bella talking about what classes they were enrolling in for the next semester, and was annoyed to hear that they both had signed up for the same class. He looked up sharply at Jasper, scowling. Jasper stared back at him in confusion, and quickly ended the conversation with Bella, saying that he had to go buy lunch._

'_What was that all about?' Jasper questioned him, 'first you ignored her, preferring your feet to meeting her, even though I know you're interested. I bet she thinks you hate her or something' _

'_Hate her?' Edward was stunned, 'how could anyone hate her? She's stunning'_

'_And she's been hurt before' Jasper explained, 'it's made her close up, she's very untrusting, and she's never going to believe that you like her after that display' _

'_Well I'm going to have to convince her otherwise' Edward said, hurrying off in the direction of student services._

'_Where you going?' Jasper called after him._

'_To sign up for your art class' he called over his shoulder back at Jasper. _

***************

Bella had barely seen Edward in the last 2 weeks; if he wasn't working at the hospital then he was recovering from his last shift. Needing some time away from this house, and the situation of living with what seemed to be more of an absent roommate more than a husband, Bella rang the only person she knew that could help her put the situation into perspective, Rosalie.

Bella met Rosalie in her year 7 math class. They struck up an easy friendship over borrowing pencils and getting their workbook signed every 10 pages and had been friends ever since.

Rosalie was a down to earth, grade 1 teacher and saw the world in black and white, though did allow for shades of greys in situations which she deemed worthy.

'I'm thinking about leaving Edward' Bella started.

'What?' Rosalie choked out 'at least let me swallow before you tell me you're ending your marriage!'

'Right... sorry...'

'Now where's this coming from? Are you and Edward fighting or something?'

'That's just it' she sighed, 'we don't even talk enough to fight, the most he's said to me in the last month was 'what's for dinner?'

'Oh?'

Bella didn't know what to say, how do you explain to someone who has been happily married for 2 years that sometimes marriage can feel more like an obligation then a choice.

'Why don't you tell me what's been going on?'

'he's just... he's never home, its feels like I'm living alone, and when he is home he goes straight to bed because he's just so tired, the hospital is working him too hard and he never seems to get any time off and I hate it! I hate that I never see him, I hate that he's always too tired or too busy to see me, I hate that I knew when I married him that this is what I was signing up for and yet I can't help but resent him for it.'

'So what would leaving him achieve then?'

'It'd mean I could finally stop spending my life waiting for him'

'Do you think you'd be happier though? Instead of seeing him in between working and sleep, you wouldn't see him at all; you wouldn't talk to him at all, you'd never get to kiss him or hug him or ask him what he's thinking again. Bella, before you make a choice think long and hard, because when you end it, it's over forever'

* * *

The second time Bella saw him she was clothes shopping in Bra's and Things. It was the day after she'd met up with Rosalie and she'd been thinking long and hard about what to do about her marriage. She understood what Rosalie had said, and had to agree with her on most parts, the answer to not spending enough time with Edward couldn't be spending no time with him could it?

'Well if it isn't Gwen'

Bella turned around in shock to see the sleaze from the bookstore 'what are you doing here?'

'Shopping'

'In a Bra shop?' Bella questioned, eyebrow raised.

The man smirked, 'what can I say, I know what I like to see my woman in'

'Oh yes, the teenager, I remember her, what is she 18? 19?'

'Close, 17'

Bella looked at him appalled.

'What? She's legal'

'Barely' Bella muttered, making her way towards the exit.

'Hey, where are you going?' he called after her.

'To shop where the adults shop'

***************

_Edward had been running himself ragged trying to keep up with his 4 medical units as well as his art class. He needed get at least all credits in his medical units in order to specialise in paediatrics, but he was a perfectionist and was working towards distinctions. He didn't see the point of doing something if he wasn't going to do it well. This also meant though that he wasn't putting any effort into the art class. While he didn't need that unit for his degree, he knew he needed it for Bella._

_He'd been in the same lectures and tutorials as Bella for the past month and she hadn't even glanced at him. She always sat with Jasper, and he had quickly become Jasper's weird friend who didn't talk, so he heard. _

_Edward's lucky break came when the class was asked to split up into groups to create a group piece.  
Naturally he was included in Jasper and Bella's group, and Bella had immediately started talking about different ideas for their assignment. They agreed to meet up the following Saturday to begin working on their ideas for their documentary._

_When Saturday eventually rolled around Edward was beyond nervous. He'd been unable to think of anything except the fact that Bella was going to be sitting in his lounge room, on his couch all week. He'd spend an hour in front of the mirror deciding what to wear, when Jasper came in making some crack about his lack of testosterone and that maybe he'd turned into a girl in the past week, Edward knew he had to get a hold of himself. _

_Grabbing the first thing he saw out of the closet he made his way to the lounge room to await her arrival. That's where Jasper found him 20 minutes later._

'_Hey, are you alright dude?' Jasper questioned._

'_Yea, just waiting for Bella' he muttered._

_Jasper glanced at the clock, 'it's only 11 o'clock'_

'_So?'_

'_So? Bella won't be here until 1, bit early don't you think?'_

_Edward glanced up at him, 'I can wait'_

* * *

Bella lay awake unable to sleep that night, which is why she was still awake when Edward came in at 3am. He made his way into the room, quietly closing the door behind him before making his way to the bathroom in the dark.

'Hey' Bella whispered. She saw the dark figure turn towards her.

'Hey Hun' the figure whispered back, 'sorry if I woke you'

'You didn't, I couldn't sleep'

She felt the mattress dip as he sat on the bed next to her, 'Whys that?'

'Just been thinking about some things'

'Hmm, what things?'

'Nothing important'

She could hear the smile in his voice as he replied 'Ok, well I'm going to go have a shower, because I smell like gauze and blood, and then I'll be back to chase away all those thoughts keeping you awake.'

For the first night in what felt like forever to her, Bella fell asleep in her husband's arms.

*****************

'So I've got the weekend off' he said the next morning.

Bella glanced up from the eggs, and grinned at him 'really?'

He smiled back 'really really, I was thinking, how about you invite the girls over tomorrow for a barbeque?'

Bella ran around the table and launched herself into his arms.

He chuckled at her enthusiasm, 'l'll take that as a yes then?' wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him.

She laughed, gently dragging her thumbs over his cheeks, leaning forward to place a kiss on his lips, 'I've missed this' she whispered.

'Me too' he whispered back, drawing her closer, 'I know it's been crazy lately, hopefully it'll start settling down again soon.'

With one last kiss Bella jumped back up and into the kitchen throw out the now charred black eggs and to call the girls.


End file.
